


Brother

by fallintosanity (yopumpkinhead)



Series: A Bridge Once Broken [7]
Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Wakfu
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 19:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4149261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yopumpkinhead/pseuds/fallintosanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon returning to Asgard after the Mechasm incident and the birth of his nephew, Thor realizes that Loki is still haunted by the phantoms of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brother

After days in Mechasm captivity and another week in the whimsical Sadida tree kingdom, Thor’s own rooms in Asgard’s golden palace were a welcome sight. He staggered through the outer suite to his bedroom and collapsed across the bed, pausing only to kick off his boots and unclasp his cape, exhausted to his bones.

Thor, along with Loki and his family, had arrived in Asgard from the World of Twelve late that morning, after seeing the Avengers back through the Bifrost to Earth. Frigga had sent a carriage to meet them, for which Jahanna had been obviously, and Thor secretly, grateful. He remembered almost nothing of his time as the Mechasms' prisoner save for unrelenting pain, and a deep, aching weariness that he'd learned later hadn't been entirely his own. He'd never had a chance to meet the other prisoner - Loki had told him Glip had died shortly after being rescued - and he couldn't imagine how the man had survived what Jahanna said had been decades or possibly centuries of imprisonment.

Still, despite the lingering tiredness, he was glad to be home. Odin and Frigga had met the carriage at the palace gates, and Thor had been relieved to see they were both largely recovered from the injuries they'd sustained during the Mechasm's attack. Odin grabbed Thor in a fierce embrace almost before he’d made it out of the carriage, clapping him on the back before pulling away to cup Thor's neck and look into his eyes, his Sight taking stock of his son. Then Frigga had elbowed him aside to wrap Thor in a hug of her own, so Odin went to where Loki was helping Jahanna down from the carriage.

Thor had expected their greeting to have the same sort of cold cordiality as the last time Loki had been to Asgard, so it caught him off-guard when instead Odin looked Loki up and down, then pulled him into his arms. The embrace was stiff and awkward, but Loki looked more startled than angry, and didn’t pull away, and Thor decided to consider it a victory. The rest of the greetings went smoothly; they'd retired to a private lounge to talk, and let Odin and Frigga fawn over the baby and watch little Chibi and Grougal chase each other around the room.

Frigga had reassured Thor that Sif and the Warriors Three were recovering well, and after lunch Thor had gone to see them himself. Volstagg, who'd been the most heavily wounded, was still in bandages and confined to his rooms, so they held a small and - for them - restrained celebration there to welcome Thor home. Afterward, he'd gone to dinner with his family, and while it had been enjoyable it had also been clear that they were all worn out, from injuries or travel or simply minding two small children and a newborn. They agreed to put off further socializing until tomorrow, and had retired to their separate rooms.

Which left Thor sprawled across his bed. After some time, he managed to rouse himself enough to shuck his armor and tunic and burrow under the furs, but then a deep sleep claimed him. For the first time since he’d been rescued, he didn’t dream of cold and pain, of purple and orange lights in jagged lines around him, of fear and despair and the knowledge that no one was coming for him because everyone was dead.

It was immensely pleasant to sleep in peace, so when a knock at his door dragged him out of it, he growled into the pillow. “What.”

“Thor?”

Loki’s voice, quiet and hesitant and unexpected enough that Thor squinted one eye open to see his brother standing in the doorway. He was barefoot, wearing only leggings, one arm wrapped around his chest and his pale skin almost glowing in the dim moonlight filtering through the curtains.

“I—” Loki said, and took a deep breath. “It’s— The baby is asleep and Jahanna needs her rest and Tikal’s asleep, too…”

“Of course they’re asleep,” Thor groused. “It’s the middle of the night, Loki.”

A pause, then Loki’s spine straightened and his shoulders squared. When he spoke again his voice had gone stiff and formal. “...Of course. You’re right. I’m sorry I disturbed you.” He turned to leave.

The cold tone was enough to pierce the exhausted fog in Thor’s brain. Loki would never have come to him at all, much less in the middle of the night, if something wasn’t deeply wrong. He shook himself, trying to force his sleepy thoughts into motion. “Loki!” he called. For a bad moment he thought Loki would ignore him - but then Loki stopped, a pale silhouette framed in the doorway. He didn’t turn, so Thor said to his back, “Sorry. I’m not awake yet. What is it?”

Loki didn’t say anything, but even through the darkness Thor could see the way his shoulders hunched, the way he curled in on himself. “Loki,” he prompted, gently.

Then Loki whispered, “I can hear them.”

It had to just be Thor’s imagination that the room got colder. “Hear who?”

Loki took a deep breath, shoulders shaking. When he spoke, his voice was almost too strangled to hear: “Thanos. The Chitauri. The Other.”

Ice shot through Thor’s veins, all thoughts of sleep instantly forgotten. He was on his feet before he’d even realized he was moving, crossing the room to where Loki stood in the doorway. At the last moment he remembered _(kneeling in the throne room beside Thanos, watching the Other come up to Loki from behind and wrap cold dead fingers around his throat)_ and veered to the side, so that he was in Loki’s peripheral vision as he approached. Loki’s eyes were wide, darting back and forth, his breath coming in short little gasps; he didn’t seem to notice Thor, but at least he didn’t flinch when Thor reached for him.

He was rigid as steel under Thor’s hand, his skin cold in a way that had nothing to do with his Jotun heritage, and Thor pulled him into a careful embrace. Loki didn’t resist him, didn’t even seem to be aware of him: green eyes fixed on something Thor couldn’t see, his whole body trembling, his breath hitching like he was trying not to cry out. Thor didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to snap him out of the terrible memories he was lost in. He held him more tightly, lifted one hand to cup Loki’s neck, trying to shield him from the ghost of that dead slithering hand. “They’re dead, Loki, they’re gone,” he whispered. “You’re safe. You killed them. You killed all of them. They’re gone. You’re safe.”

He said it over and over again, a litany of protection, not knowing if Loki was even aware of the words, if he registered them as anything more than a rumble in Thor’s chest. Loki’s only movement was the shaking, his only sound the strained gasps. Thor remembered what Tikalukatal had said, last year in the palace gardens: _he no longer wakes up screaming in the night_ , and hated the thought that this had once been a common thing for him, that Loki had suffered through this over and over again without Thor there to help.

Finally, finally, Loki’s trembling eased, his breathing calmed. He sagged against Thor, and Thor carefully, gently drew him over to the bed and sat him down. He sat beside him, so their shoulders touched and Loki could lean on him if he wanted. Loki’s green eyes were too wide still, gleaming bright with tears in the moonlight; he dashed at them with one hand in a frustrated gesture.

“I’m sorry,” Loki whispered. His voice was rough, hoarse. “I shouldn’t—You shouldn’t—”

“It’s fine,” Thor said firmly. “I don’t mind. Even if I’m not the most polite when I’ve just woken up.”

Loki gasped out a choking little laugh; bit his lip and looked away. Thor hesitated, but he needed to know, needed to make sure Tikal hadn’t lied to him. “Is this… does this happen often?”

Loki shook his head. “Not… not for a few years now. I thought… I thought I was done with… with that.” He swallowed, waved a hand vaguely to indicate the palace. “Being… being back _here_ , sleeping here, after the Mechasms, after…” His breath hitched. “It was too much.”

Thor winced. “Is that all this is to you now?” he asked, and tried not to let the hurt show in his voice. “A place of bad memories?”

Loki shrugged, his eyes fixed on the floor.

“I know there was much I didn’t see,” Thor said carefully, “but at least when we were young you seemed happy.” He paused, but Loki still didn’t say anything, so he continued, “Do you remember that time when you tricked our nurse into giving us extra cake for a week?”

Loki blinked. “I’d forgotten about that.”

“What about when we found the hill outside the city proper?” Thor asked. “We were small then, you might not—”

“No, I think I remember,” Loki said. “That tall hill with the thick grass. We’d go rolling down it for hours.”

“Aye,” Thor said, and grinned. “Nurse hated it for how we’d come back covered in mud and grass—”

“Nurse hated it if we did anything other than sit in the nursery and play quietly with blocks,” Loki said, the corner of his mouth twitching. “Oh, was she mad when you would make it rain so we’d have mud to play in.”

“I could barely manage a spring shower back then,” Thor admitted. “Although there was that time you took my… I don’t even remember what it was you took, probably a toy soldier or something, but you’d taken it and I got so mad that I called up my first real storm—”

“Yes!” Loki said. “But you didn’t realize you’d done it and the thunder scared you so badly you hid under the bed and wouldn’t come out until Mother herself came to the nursery and bribed you with apples.”

He was smiling now, bright in the darkness of the room, and Thor smiled back. “Do you remember the fountain?” he asked. Loki shook his head, brows furrowing in puzzlement, and Thor continued, “I’d just got my first growth spurt and you were still little, so we’d go out to the fountain in Auðhildr’s Garden, and you’d stand on my hands and I’d flip you into the water.”

“Oh!” Loki said, eyes sparkling, “and I tried to flip you once, only you fell on me and we both had bruises for a week.”

“And Nurse wouldn’t let us see the healers,” Thor added, “because—”

“—‘if you’re going to go flinging yourselves into fountains you should be prepared to suffer the consequences’,” Loki quoted, his voice pitched in a perfect imitation of their nurse.

Thor couldn’t help but laugh, then, and Loki laughed, too, shakily at first but then more easily. Thor bumped his shoulder against Loki’s, and then because the mention of bruises had reminded him, he brought up the time they’d been learning to ride and Loki’d tried standing on his horse as he’d once seen a performer in the market do, and which had resulted in three Einherjar ending up in the healers’ ward, Loki’s horse turning green head to hoof, and Father and Mother trying so hard not to laugh that they forgot to reprimand the instructor.

Loki laughed in earnest, then, and they kept going, trading stories back and forth from their youth. Gradually the tension left Loki’s body, the ghosts that had haunted him chased away by happier memories. Eventually, though, Thor noticed the way Loki was starting to list to the side, the way his eyelids kept sinking lower and lower despite his obvious efforts to stay awake. So the next time Loki swayed and jerked back upright, Thor caught him by the shoulders and cupped his neck. “You’re barely awake, brother,” he said gently. “Get some sleep.”

Loki’s eyes widened, his breath hitching, and Thor realized abruptly that Loki was _afraid_ to fall asleep, afraid that the terror and the remembered pain would come rushing back as soon as there were no happy memories left to share. He tightened his grip a little. “It’s fine,” he said firmly. “I’m right here if you need me.”

Loki stared at him for a long moment, as if he wanted to argue, but finally just nodded and let Thor nudge him down into the pillows. Thor clambered over him to the other side of the bed and crawled under the furs; after a moment he felt Loki shifting around to burrow under them as well. He was curled in a tight tense knot at the edge of the bed, and inwardly Thor rolled his eyes. But outwardly, he just rolled over, letting his arm fall out to the side so that his hand landed near Loki’s back. He knew Loki would know that the motion wasn’t as unintentional as he was trying to make it look, but then, that wasn’t really the point.

After a moment, Loki shifted again, easing closer until his shoulder blades just brushed against Thor’s fingers. Only then did Thor feel him relax, and finally his breathing evened out into the deep rhythm of sleep.

*             *             *

Thor woke the next morning to pins and needles shooting through his arm. It was still stretched out to the side, and Loki, apparently still asleep, had just rolled over so he wasn’t lying on it any more. Thor groaned under his breath. He’d forgotten that part, that Loki, who was able to fall asleep in the strangest places - hunched over a pile of spell instruments on his desk, twisted into a window nook with a book under his chin - didn’t always notice when he was lying on things that weren’t pillows or mattresses.

Still, Loki was sleeping peacefully, and after last night Thor counted that a victory. He yawned and squinted at the curtained windows; from the light slanting through them he guessed it was early yet. Sleeping in his own bed had done wonders for the lingering tiredness, even despite spending hours awake in the middle of the night, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to sleep in. He flexed his arm, trying to get the blood flowing through it so he could go back to sleep, but apparently he’d moved too much because Loki rolled over again and blinked sleepy green eyes open enough to see Thor.

“Good morning,” Thor said. Loki made a vague noise in response, clearly still not entirely awake. Trying to make it sound light, Thor added, “Feeling better?”

Loki nodded sleepily, eyes drifting closed again. For a moment Thor thought that would be it, that he’d gone back to sleep or simply didn’t want to talk about it. But then, his voice muffled by the pillow, Loki asked quietly, “Do you regret it?”

Thor stared at him. “Regret what, being there for you? Of course not!”

“You will,” Loki muttered darkly. He buried his face against the pillow.

“What are you—” Thor began, baffled. But he was interrupted by the outer door of his rooms banging open, followed by a clattering of footsteps and a child’s high-pitched voice screaming, “Papa! Papa, wake up!”  

Loki groaned and dragged the pillow over his head.

“Ah,” Thor said. He clapped Loki on the shoulder. “Go back to sleep, little brother. I can handle your children for a morning.”

He rolled off the bed and padded across the floor. A moment later, Chibi burst into the bedroom, sandals slapping against the floor and Grougaloragran buzzing over his head. “Papa!” he shrieked. “Wake up, we’re hungry!”

Thor caught him and swung him into the air before setting him back on his feet. “Hungry, eh?” he said. “Your papa’s sleeping, but I’ll tell you what: if you can win at a game, I’ll take you to breakfast and even ask the cook to bring you extra sweetcakes.”

“What game?” Chibi asked, wide-eyed. Grougal landed next to him and trilled a question.

Thor crouched down to meet their eye level. “It’s called the Whisper Game. Whoever’s the most quiet for the next two minutes wins. Make any sound at all, though, and you lose. And the cook only gives dry bread for breakfast to people who lose the Whisper Game.”

Their eyes widened in unison, then they traded an excited look and nodded. Thor pointed out into the next room. “Go right out there, and we’ll start in three… two… one… _now!_ ”

They hurried out as he counted, and Chibi clapped both hands over his mouth at the ‘now’. Thor closed the door and turned, intending to change out of his nightshirt, but stopped when he saw Loki peering at him from under the pillow.

“I remember that game,” Loki said. “Nurse loved having us play it.”

Thor grinned at him. “It was effective, too. Took us years to catch on.”

Loki snorted. “Are you sure you can manage them?”

Thor waved a hand dismissively, heading over to the wardrobe and pulling out a clean tunic and pants. “What are uncles for?”

The corner of Loki’s mouth curled up, and he burrowed back under the pillow, apparently satisfied. Still grinning to himself, Thor changed quickly and headed out into the next room. Chibi and Grougal were standing in the middle of the room, Chibi still with his hands over his mouth and Grougal, the little rascal, making faces at him to try to make him laugh. Distracted by his brother, Chibi didn’t notice Thor sneaking up behind him, and Thor grabbed him and swung him up to sit on his shoulders. Chibi shrieked in surprise, then clapped his hands over his mouth again, but Thor patted him on the leg. “Well done!” he said. “You both were so quiet I couldn’t hear you at all! Let’s go see if the cook has those sweetcakes ready, yes?”

“Yes!” Chibi cheered. “Sweetcakes!”

Grougal chirped excitedly, wings buzzing to lift him up off the floor so he could fly beside his brother. Thor took them down to the royal family’s breakfast sunroom, a bright room with a balcony that stretched out over the gardens. It was early enough that no one else was there, but a servant had seen them coming, and only a few minutes passed before the table was filled with steaming sweetcakes, fresh rolls, crisp fruits, and savory meats. The children actually needed very little minding; Thor didn’t much care if their manners weren’t banquet-table perfect and mostly he just had to keep them from climbing all over the table to get at the food they wanted.

Jahanna arrived as the servants were swapping out a platter of cooled sausages for fresh ones, her son Hade in her arms and her dragon brother Tikalukatal, in his man’s shape, at her shoulder. She took a chair beside Thor and put the baby to her breast; when she was settled, she asked Thor, “Where’s Loki?”

“Still asleep,” Thor answered. He hesitated, because he wasn’t sure if Loki would want him telling Jahanna, but decided it would be better for her to know. “He… was not well last night.”

Jahanna studied him for a moment, dark eyes solemn; finally turned away to watch Tikal extract Grougal from a mound of pastries. “I thought that might be it, when I woke up and he wasn’t there,” she said. “He went to you, then?”

“Aye,” Thor said. “I don’t know how much I was able to help, but…”

“You were there,” she said, and met his eyes. “More than anything, that’s what he needs. And I’m glad you were.”

Thor nodded, his throat suddenly tight, though he wasn’t sure if it was from the reminder that he _hadn’t_ been there for Loki for a very long time, or for the acknowledgement that he was finally getting it right. One corner of Jahanna’s mouth quirked up in a knowing smile, and she shifted Hade so she could put a hand on Thor’s arm. “He’s healing, Thor,” she said quietly. “And… so are you, I think.”

“‘Twas not I who was hurt,” he pointed out.

“No?” she said. “This is the first time since I’ve met you that your wakfu hasn’t been tangled full of guilt.”  

Thor stared at her, mouth open to ask her what she meant, how she could know that - but then he remembered: she was one of the Eliatrope Six, the living embodiment of the primordial aspect of Mind. She could probably see everything he thought, everything he felt. So he said nothing, just swallowed and looked away. Jahanna squeezed his arm gently, but she also said nothing, and they lapsed into a contemplative silence.

Frigga and Odin joined them just in time for the second round of tea, and of course, Chibi immediately had to show them all the amazing new foods - forgetting, in the way of a four-year-old, that this was a normal breakfast for them. But they were gracious and patient, playing along with the boy’s excitement. Loki was the last to arrive, when the extended meal had gotten closer to lunch than breakfast. He was impeccably dressed, carefully groomed, and if Thor suspected that the neatness was an armor against what had happened last night, against a return of the memories that had plagued him, he didn’t show it. Frigga was holding the baby by then so that Jahanna could eat, and Loki kissed her on the cheek before he sat down, as he’d used to do when they were young.

He settled beside Tikal so that Chibi could tell him all about the Whisper Game and how he’d won it, and Thor caught Frigga hiding a smile as she listened. Odin was, as was becoming the norm for him at these gatherings, saying very little, but then Loki suggested that Chibi tell Grandmama and Grandpapa about the baby tofus he’d found two days ago. Odin met Loki’s eyes over Chibi’s head as the boy bounded over to him, and the look that passed between them spoke volumes.

Discharged for the moment of child-minding duty, Loki snagged a sweet roll and leaned back in his seat, long legs stretched out in front of him. He wasn’t perfectly relaxed, and Thor thought perhaps he might never be so long as he was in the golden palace - remembering how terrified he’d been last night, remembering what he’d suffered here - but he was _there_. Only a few years ago Thor had awoken after another fierce battle to find that Loki had left, for what he’d thought then might be forever. But he was there, with his wife and his brother-in-law and his children, and last night he’d turned to Thor for help instead of anyone else.  

Maybe Thor hadn’t been a very good brother in the past, maybe he’d made things worse before he’d figured out how to make them better. Maybe he’d still make mistakes, because if the last few years had taught him anything it was that while he might be Asgard’s Golden Prince, he wasn’t perfect. But maybe, finally, he understood Loki enough to be the brother he needed. And maybe, finally, their family could heal. 


End file.
